Co-parenting and creating a parenting partnership with your ex when your romantic relationship has ended can be a daunting prospect. There may have been bad feeling and the idea of spending time together with your ex and your child may seem an impossible ambition. On the other hand, perhaps you are ready to overlook past hurts and focus on the needs of your child.
Co-parenting and creating a parenting partnership with your ex when your romantic relationship has ended can be a daunting prospect. There may have been bad feeling and the idea of spending time together with your ex and your child may seem an impossible ambition. On the other hand, perhaps you are ready to overlook past hurts and focus on the needs of your child.
If you have concerns about a family law matter and you feel you need legal advice, contact specialist family solicitor Mark Heptinstall of Slater Heelis Solicitors. He is recognised as a ‘Leading Individual’ in The Legal 500 and ranked in Chambers UK, and is described as having “the amazing ability to bring calm into troubled waters”.
It has been found that children usually have better outcomes when both parents remain actively and positively involved in their lives. Research has shown that when children have a positive relationship with both parents, they are more likely to do better at school, stay out of trouble, have higher levels of self-esteem, and go on to have healthier relationships as an adult. In this article, we discuss the options available for those parents who are able to put their own feelings aside in order to spend time together as a family.
What things should I consider before planning activities together?
When you separate from your child’s other parent, your plans to spend time as a family will probably depend on the following factors:
- Whether you are taking a co-parenting approach and have a parenting plan in place. This includes how you communicate and cooperate with one another
- The age of your child. Younger children generally suit a “little but often” approach. Whereas older children benefit from longer periods of time devoted to set activities
- Your child’s wishes and consideration of their hobbies and interests, taking into account any specific needs they have
- Yours and the other parent’s work and any other commitments
- How far apart your live from the other parent. Those who are close in proximity will probably have greater opportunity to facilitate activities, than parents who live further apart.
In the early days of separation, many parents begin without having much of a plan, with activities being arranged at short notice. But a flexible approach requires good communication as well as compromise on both sides that may not be present until much later in the breakup process. So this should also be taken into account.
What type of activities can separated couples do together with their child?
The type of activity separated couples can do with their child depends on whether they get on very well or if the relationship is amicable but mildly frosty. Kind of like meeting an old friend at the school reunion type of feeling, friendly, yet wary. It also depends on the child’s age, too. Whilst a younger child will be happy to pootle around the local park or engage in a soft play session, an older child requires rather more parental effort to become enthused.
Activity suggestions for younger children
For children aged between 3 and 5, it is a crucial time for learning and development. They are curious and constantly asking questions in order to understand the world around them. Here are some suggestion for simple and fun activities that parents and children can do together:
- Drawing, painting, colouring, tracing letters, colouring outdoors with jumbo chalks
- Jigsaw puzzles
- Ball games in the garden or park
- Matching shapes
- Create a scavenger hunt
- Discovering the seasons
- Park and picnic
- Bike rides
Activity suggestions for older children
Slightly older children need just a little bit extra to keep them engaged. Arguably, there’s nothing more stressful than having to spend time with your ex and a fractious, bored child, whilst trying to keep everything civil. The activities you can do with primary age children are diverse, although it will probably become increasingly important to tailor the activity to the personal interests and abilities of the child as they grow up.
- Make a video – your child is likely to see videos on social media platforms, and even in lessons. Parents can join in and show off their acting skills.
- Play board games
- Build something, such as a hut or clubhouse. This doesn’t have to be lavish and can be achieved using things such as ropes and blankets.
- Go bowling, indoor climbing, go-karting, cinema, indoor skiing/snowboarding, ice skating, trampolining, Ninja Warrior, or the theatre
- Check out membership for the National Trust or English Heritage and make a list of places to visit
- Go on a picnic
- Go on a day trip to the beach
- Go shopping
It is important to remember that as children get older, their needs and interests change. As they develop through the stages of childhood, they gradually become increasingly involved in the world outside their immediate family. It is always better for children if their parents can work together to plan and make decisions in response to these stages and changes, rather than do something they consider “babyish”.
Don’t forget that parents circumstances change too
The prospect of your ex having a new partner may upset the carefully curated programme of activities you’ve previously shared between you. Having a third wheel involved, just wasn’t part of the plan. Most children become part of a new family after their parents separate, and the possibility of a new sibling can be exciting. This is likely to change the way you spend time with your ex as they may want their partner to become involved and include any step-children or new children they may subsequently have.
Is spending time together with our child a good idea if we don’t get on?
Children have a sixth sense when it comes to their parent’s feelings. So if you and your ex have a negative relationship, this is likely to become apparent fairly early on. If you cannot agree on the activity in question, or argue during it, this does not benefit anyone. After all, the whole idea of spending time together is to provide a stable and positive basis for the child’s upbringing.
If your ex has been abusive or controlling, spending time together can prolong an unhealthy situation for you and your child. And if you continue to feel unsafe around your ex, this can negatively impact your child as well. The emotional wellbeing and safety of you and your child must always come first.
Find The Best Divorce & Family Lawyers Near You
We independently review and list the top divorce lawyers and family solicitors in the towns and cities near you. 100% free.
The information on this website is to be considered a guide and is therefore not legal advice. You use this information with the understanding that Wiselaw does not accept liability for any direct or indirect losses as a result of anyone relying on or acting upon the information on this website. Whilst we endeavour to provide accurate information, Wiselaw does not accept liability for any errors or omissions on this website.
