The digital age has transformed the way parents and children communicate, creating new opportunities for maintaining bonds even when they are physically apart. But what amounts to contact and how should such interactions be fairly managed? Parents navigating digital contact must balance the child’s best interests with practical considerations of time, frequency, and fairness. This article looks at the issues.
The digital age has transformed the way parents and children communicate, creating new opportunities for maintaining bonds even when they are physically apart. But what amounts to contact and how should such interactions be fairly managed? Parents navigating digital contact must balance the child’s best interests with practical considerations of time, frequency, and fairness. This article looks at the issues.
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What are the types of digital contact?
Digital contact can encompass a variety of interactions, including:
- Text messages – instant messaging platforms like WhatsApp, iMessage, or traditional SMS allow for quick check-ins or longer conversations.
- Video calls – apps like Zoom, FaceTime, or Skype enable real-time visual interaction, helping parents and children share experiences despite physical separation.
- Phone calls – traditional voice calls remain a staple for maintaining connection.
- Gaming – online gaming platforms with integrated chat functions, such as Xbox Live or PlayStation Network, can foster shared experiences between a parent and child.
- Social media interactions – liking posts, commenting, or sharing media on platforms like Instagram or Snapchat can also form part of modern parent-child contact.
What constitutes Contact?
The law recognises “contact” as any interaction between a parent and child that maintains their relationship. Traditionally, this focused on physical contact, but digital communication is increasingly acknowledged in parenting agreements and court orders.
The Children Act 1989 emphasises the welfare of the child as the paramount consideration and this principle applies whether contact is physical or virtual. The court and mediators consider digital communication as part of a parent’s right to maintain their relationship with their child. However, disputes may arise over the nature, frequency, and duration of such interactions.
For instance, if a parent spends three hours online gaming with their child while the child is in the other’s care, this could indeed be considered contact. Such interactions can promote bonding, particularly if gaming is a shared interest. However, this form of contact also raises questions:
- Does it encroach on the other parent’s time with the child?
- Is the duration excessive, disrupting routines or creating screen-time concerns?
- Does it comply with any existing parenting agreement or court order?
Balancing fairness in digital contact
The key to managing digital contact lies in clear agreements between parents. Whether informally negotiated or formally stated within a court order, these agreements should address the following:
- Frequency and duration – parents should decide how often and for how long digital contact is appropriate. For example, a video call every evening may work well for some families, but others may prefer less frequent communication to avoid disruption.
- Boundaries around screen time – excessive digital interaction can be a point of contention. The parent with day-to-day care may worry about the impact of prolonged screen time on the child’s wellbeing. Guidelines on appropriate screen use, aligned with the child’s age and routines, can help avoid disputes.
- Mutual respect of time – parents should respect each other’s time with the child. Digital contact should not interfere with activities such as meals, homework, or bedtime during the other parent’s parenting time.
- Child’s preferences – older children, in particular, may have their own opinions about how and when they wish to communicate digitally. Their views should be considered, as the Children Act 1989 mandates considering the child’s wishes in decisions that affect them.
- Monitoring and oversight – while trust is vital, some parents may feel the need to monitor digital contact to ensure it remains appropriate. Ground rules—such as keeping conversations to shared interests or avoiding contentious topics—can provide reassurance to both parents.
What can I do when contact becomes a problem?
Sometimes, digital contact may become a source of tension. For instance:
- If one parent feels that digital contact is too frequent, it may infringe on the child’s time to bond with the parent they are physically with.
- If one parent feels disadvantaged by the amount or type of contact, they may perceive it as unfair.
- Concerns may arise about the content of conversations, particularly if discussions involve adult topics or parental disputes.
If conflicts arise, parents have several avenues to resolve the issue. Direct discussion between them is often the most effective way to address concerns. Establishing mutual understanding can also prevent minor issues from escalating.
If direct communication fails, mediation can help parents reach an agreement. A neutral mediator can facilitate discussions and propose solutions that prioritise the child’s wellbeing. As a last resort, parents can seek a court order to formalise digital contact arrangements. The court will consider the child’s welfare, the parents’ rights, and the practicality of the arrangements.
What are reasonable expectations around digital contact?
Reasonable digital contact depends on the family’s unique circumstances. Courts and mediators typically encourage parents to be flexible and child-focused, balancing the need for regular interaction with practical considerations like the child’s age, school schedule, and other commitments.
For younger children, shorter, more frequent calls may be appropriate, while older children may prefer less frequent but more substantial interactions, such as gaming sessions or in-depth video calls.
Breaching a court order regarding contact, including digital interactions, can have serious consequences. However, it is worth noting that the judge often encourages both parents to act reasonably and adapt to unforeseen circumstances to avoid the matter being returned to court. This can focus minds when issues like temporary schedule conflicts or technical difficulties arise and avoid formal modifications from the court being necessary.
Digital contact offers separated parents a flexible way to stay connected with their children. However, it requires careful management to ensure fairness and to prioritise the child’s best interests. Clear agreements, mutual respect, and open communication are essential for navigating this form of contact.
By balancing these considerations, parents can ensure that digital communication compliments their child’s upbringing rather than becoming a source of conflict. In cases of unresolved disputes, family law provides mechanisms to safeguard the welfare of the child while upholding both parents’ rights to maintain meaningful relationships with their child.
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