Telling your partner you want a prenup is a little like telling them you want a divorce: you know it’s for the best, but opening that particular Pandora’s Box is going to cause ructions and release a whole storm of emotions that you really want to avoid.
Telling your partner you want a prenup is a little like telling them you want a divorce: you know it’s for the best, but opening that particular Pandora’s Box is going to cause ructions and release a whole storm of emotions that you really want to avoid.
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The reason for such reluctance is that so many people believe a prenup is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust. And let’s not forget the much-discussed “unromantic” connotations interfering with your connubial bliss. But the truth is that entering into a prenuptial agreement allows you to build a solid foundation for your married life based on mutual respect and honesty. So, how do you explain without breaking your partner’s heart that you want a prenup? Read our top tips.
Pick the right time
Pick a time when you are both in a relaxed and receptive frame of mind, free from the pressures of everyday stressors. Avoid bringing up the discussion during moments of heightened conflict or tension, as this can exacerbate emotions and hinder communication.
Ideally, the subject of a prenup should be broached with your partner as soon as possible before your wedding date. If you leave it to the last minute, you run the real risk of not meeting the necessary criteria required for creating an enforceable document. For a prenuptial agreement to be entered into appropriately, certain conditions must be met. One of these is to obtain independent legal advice on the contents/terms of the prenup at least 30 days before the wedding takes place. If you rush the process, and subsequently divorce, the agreement may not be upheld by the court.
Know why you’re asking for a prenup
Knowing the reasons behind wanting a prenup is essential. Perhaps you want to ensure everything is equal if you divorce, or you want to ringfence assets you’ve accrued before the relationship began. Whatever your reasons, being able to clearly explain these to your partner can show you’ve given this serious consideration.
Before discussing things with your partner, find out what the prenup will involve, including the process from start to finish. This will ensure you are not taken aback by any questions your partner may ask.
You should be prepared to explain the following:
- Why do you want a prenup?
- What a prenup would look like for your marriage
- Do both parties have to fully disclosure their financial circumstances? If so, to what extent?
- How your prenup will affect any current or future children
If will also help if you know what you’re looking for in a prenup solicitor so you can reassure your partner that the prenup is being dealt with by an expert.
Be willing to compromise
Asking your partner for a prenup may come out of the blue and they may instinctively become defensive. Making sure you are ready and willing to compromise to make the agreement fair to both of you will go a long way to show you care about your partner and that you genuinely believe this is for the best.
Your partner may express reservations about entering into a prenuptial agreement, so being ready to address these feelings demonstrates a willingness to be flexible and accommodate their concerns. To be upheld by the court, a prenup needs to be fair to both parties, so working together the create one that you both feel comfortable with is vital for its future enforceability.
Explain the benefits
If your partner is not sure whether a prenup is really necessary, do not pressure them into signing one as the agreement could be seen by the court in future to have been based duress, which will make the prenup unenforceable. Instead, talk to your partner about why signing a prenup is a good idea and how it can benefit both of you. Explain that signing a prenup is similar to buying life insurance policy, and you are essentially preparing for a “what if” scenario.
A prenup allows both parties to clearly understand how the assets and liabilities should be divided if the worst happens. In the absence of such an agreement, the division of matrimonial property often becomes contentious as you and your spouse argue about how it is divided should the relationship break down.
Highlighting the ways in which such an agreement can bring clarity and certainty to financial arrangements ensures both partners are on the same page regarding asset management and distribution. Emphasise how a prenup can safeguard assets acquired before the marriage, protect individual financial interest, and facilitate a smoother resolution in the event of a divorce.
By focussing on tangible benefits of a prenup, you can shift the conversation away from any negative associations towards a shared understanding. Presenting the prenup as a proactive and pragmatic step towards financial security can help your partner recognise its value.
Do not force it
If, after all the discussions, your partner still insists that they don’t want or need a prenup, this essentially means that you cannot get one drawn up. Prenuptial agreements are not legally binding in England and Wales, so if the court believes that one party has been pressured into entering or signing it, the prenup can be ignored.
For this reason, it is important to go into any prenup conversations with no expectations. There is a chance that you may not get the agreement you would like, so be prepared for this outcome, and don’t get angry about it. Trying to force your partner to sign a prenup could have a very negative impact on your relationship, so be understanding and accepting of their opinion.
Bringing up the topic of a prenup can be uncomfortable, but it is crucial to protect your future and your relationship. With honesty, transparency, and open communication, you and your partner can create a prenup that works for both of you. A prenuptial agreement is not a sign of distrust, but a way to secure the financial position of both parties.
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