There are many forms of behaviour your ex may use after you are divorced, whether that is as a form of control, revenge, or an inability to accept the relationship is over. We discuss what is considered to be unacceptable behaviour and look at the case of the Wrexham woman who received a 16-week suspended sentence for taking her behaviour too far.
There are many forms of behaviour your ex may use after you are divorced, whether that is as a form of control, revenge, or an inability to accept the relationship is over. We discuss what is considered to be unacceptable behaviour and look at the case of the Wrexham woman who received a 16-week suspended sentence for taking her behaviour too far.
Repeated attempts at contact, including phone calls, text messages, and emails, particularly if they are unwanted or aggressive in nature, and showing up unannounced at an ex’s home or place of work are all examples of unacceptable behaviour. As are spreading rumours or making negative comments about an ex-spouse to friends, family, or colleagues, engaging in physical or verbal abuse, and threats of violence. These acts are not only harmful but can also negatively impact any children.
What are unacceptable behaviours from an ex-spouse after divorce?
Divorce can be an emotionally turbulent time, but once the legal proceedings are over, both parties are expected to move forward with their lives independently. However, in some situations, one party may continue to behave in a manner that disrupts the other’s peace and wellbeing. But what post-divorce behaviours are deemed unacceptable or amount to legal harassment? And if you are asking yourself what is classed as harassment by an ex, understanding the boundaries and legal protections is essential.
Understanding post-divorce boundaries
Once a divorce is finalised, both individuals are expected to maintain appropriate boundaries, especially when there are no legal ties like shared property or ongoing child arrangements. Communication should ideally be limited to co-parenting (if children are involved) or financial matters. When one ex begins to ignore or blur these boundaries, problems can arise. This can include anything from excessive messaging to more serious intrusions into the other person’s life.
What is classed as harassment by an ex?
One of the most common questions post-divorce individuals ask is, what is classed as harassment by an ex? Under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, harassment is defined as a course of conduct that causes alarm or distress and happens on more than one occasion. This law applies to any form of harassment, including that from a former spouse.
Examples of harassment by an ex can include:
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Repeated unwanted phone calls, texts, or emails
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Turning up at your home or workplace uninvited
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Monitoring your social media or physical movements
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Making threats or verbally abusing you
- Recording your conversations without your permission
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Using children or mutual friends to relay messages or intimidate
- Accessing or hacking your social media/email accounts
The legal threshold for harassment is not necessarily extreme violence or abuse. Even persistent, unwanted contact that causes anxiety can meet the criteria.
What counts as harassment from an ex?
If you’re unsure what counts as harassment from an ex, it is important to look at the impact rather than the intention. The law focuses on how the behaviour affects the victim, not whether the perpetrator meant harm. For example, sending gifts or letters after a breakup might seem harmless to some, but if they are unwanted and cause emotional distress, they can be considered harassment.
In the UK, the law recognises both physical and non-physical forms of harassment. This means that someone doesn’t have to physically harm you for it to be considered illegal. Repeatedly posting about you online or attempting to control who you see and where you go could also fall under this category.
Recognising harassment from an ex in digital communication
In today’s digital world, much of the harassment people experience from ex-partners happens online. Digital harassment can include:
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Sending abusive or obsessive messages via text, email, or messaging apps
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Creating fake social media profiles to spy or communicate
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Posting defamatory or private information about you online
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Constantly tagging or mentioning you in posts to provoke a response
If you’re wondering what is classed as harassment by an ex in an online context, know that digital communications are just as legally relevant as in-person interactions. The court increasingly accepts electronic evidence when assessing harassment cases.
Emotional and psychological harassment
Not all harassment is visible or overt. Some ex-spouses engage in emotional manipulation and psychological control. This might involve gaslighting (making you question your reality), guilt-tripping, or threatening to harm themselves to coerce you into maintaining contact. While these tactics might seem subtle, their impact can be devastating. The family court takes emotional abuse very seriously, especially when children are involved.
When emotional distress is consistent and sustained over time, it may fall under what is classed as harassment by an ex. Seeking early legal advice and keeping records of such incidents is crucial for building a case.
Harassment from ex-spouse through children
Co-parenting after divorce is already challenging, but using children as a tool for harassment is unacceptable and, in many cases, illegal. This may involve:
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Using contact exchanges to provoke arguments
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Undermining your authority with the children
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Making false allegations about your parenting
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Encouraging children to spy or report back on your activities
If your ex is using your children to maintain a form of psychological control or intimidation, this behaviour could be seen as harassment. In such cases, the court can intervene to amend child arrangements or even restrict contact.
Using the children to control you
Sometimes, an ex may use childcare arrangements to control you. Examples include:
- Refusing contact or preventing contact unless you agree to do something
- Failing to respect boundaries, such as continually texting or calling the child while they’re in your care
- Failing to collect the child at the agreed time
- Refusing to care for the children when the other parent knows you have important plans
- Trying to persuade your child not to have contact with you. In extreme cases, this is referred to as parental alienation
- Refusing to enforce rules such as bedtime or usual routines. This can make it difficult for you when the child returns to your care
- Saying you are not allowed to leave the child in the care of anyone else, such as family or friends. This can make you more reliant upon the non-resident parent, meaning they have more control
- Making threats to take you to court for custody
What is stalking and harassment?
Stalking is defined as a pattern of persistent and unwanted behaviour that is intended to harass, alarm, or distress another person. This can include unwanted contact, following or monitoring someone, and making threats or causing damage to property.
Harassment, on the other hand, is defined as behaviour that is intended to cause alarm or distress to another person. This can include unwanted contact, making threats or abusive comments, and spreading rumours or false information about someone.
Both stalking and harassment are criminal offences that can result in a prison sentence or a fine. Victims of stalking and harassment are encouraged to report the matter to police, who can investigate and take appropriate action. It is also possible to obtain a restraining order or injunction to prevent the perpetrator from contacting or approaching the victim.
Taking the behaviour too far: Wrexham woman receives suspended sentence
A Wrexham woman was sentenced to a 16-week suspended sentence for stalking her estranged husband, following a trial at North East Wales Magistrates’ Court. The court heard that the woman sent hundreds of unwanted text messages, phone calls, and emails to her husband, despite being warned by the police to stop.
The prosecution argued that the woman’s actions had caused significant distress to her husband, who had been forced to change his phone number and had been left feeling anxious and fearful for his safety. The defendant claimed her actions were motivated by a desire to reconcile with her husband and that she had not intended to cause him any harm.
In passing sentence, the magistrates noted the serious nature of the offence and the impact that the defendant’s actions had on her husband. However, they also took into account the defendant’s lack of previous convictions and the fact that she had shown remorse for her actions. The suspended sentence means the defendant will not go to prison, but will be required to abide by certain conditions, including not contacting her husband or going to his home or workplace.
What counts as harassment from an ex: legal protections available
Victims of harassment from an ex-spouse are not powerless. UK law provides several avenues of protection:
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Non-molestation orders: A court order preventing your ex from harassing or threatening you. Breaching this order is a criminal offence.
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Occupation orders: If you’re being harassed in a shared home, this can remove the abusive party from the premises.
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Police involvement: If your ex’s behaviour is escalating or threatening, you should contact the police. Harassment is a criminal offence.
Understanding your rights can empower you to take action. Documenting incidents (screenshots, dates, witness statements) is vital if you decide to seek legal help.
Setting boundaries and seeking support
One of the most important steps you can take after recognising harassment from an ex is to set firm boundaries. Limit all communications to essential topics and consider using third-party apps for co-parenting messages, such as OurFamilyWizard.
Support is also crucial. Speak to trusted friends, family, or professional counsellors. Organisations such as Refuge, Women’s Aid, and Rights of Women provide invaluable guidance and legal support for those experiencing post-divorce harassment.
Subtle signs you may be overlooking
Harassment doesn’t always start with obvious or aggressive behaviour. Here are a few red flags:
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Your ex continually tries to insert themselves into your life
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They guilt you into staying in contact “for the kids”
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You feel anxious or afraid every time they reach out
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You find yourself altering your routine to avoid them
These signs might seem minor in isolation, but together they may reveal a pattern of harassment.
Conclusion: protecting your peace after divorce
Ending a marriage should also mark the end of emotional or psychological turmoil caused by your ex. But when boundaries are breached, and harassment begins—whether subtle or overt—it is crucial to recognise it and act. Understanding what is classed as harassment by an ex allows you to protect your mental wellbeing, seek legal remedies, and move forward confidently. The law supports victims of such behaviour, and by knowing your rights, you can reclaim control over your life. Whether it is digital abuse, emotional manipulation, or unwanted physical presence, no form of harassment should be tolerated. Support is available, and you do not have to face it alone.
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