When relationships break down, there is an almost instinctive urge to lash out, play the blame game, and hold on to anger and resentment. Everyone’s personal and financial circumstances are unique, and there is no outright definition of what is right or wrong. So in this article, we set out some general guidance about what you should avoid doing during divorce or separation.
When relationships break down, there is an almost instinctive urge to lash out, play the blame game, and hold on to anger and resentment. Everyone’s personal and financial circumstances are unique, and there is no outright definition of what is right or wrong. So in this article, we set out some general guidance about what you should avoid doing during divorce or separation.
If you have a family law issue and you require legal advice to understand your options, contact specialist family law solicitor Joanne Major. Joanne is the founder of her specialist family law firm and has spent her 25-year legal career specialising in family and matrimonial cases.
Don’t let other opinions influence you
When you separate from your spouse, consider keeping your information private. Whilst you may benefit from the support of friends or family, their advice will almost, without exception, be one sided. This means that you will not act with an objective mindset, and could ruin an otherwise amicable separation. You should also avoid posting about your separation on social media. If you want advice, you should look towards a trained professional, who will be unbiased and objective.
Don’t gather evidence improperly
You cannot gather evidence, such as financial documents, that are held by your spouse privately. This includes intercepting your spouse’s confidential letters or documents or hacking into their personal digital accounts. Any evidence obtained in this way cannot be included in proceedings. Although you can include any digital or physical communications or documents that you have received yourself or that were freely available to you, such as them being in full, unhidden view on the dining table.
Don’t punish your spouse
Many separations become contentious, and this can come from the need to “get back” at someone for their treatment of you during the marriage, or because of their behaviour that led to its breakdown. Thoughts of revenge or anger make any decision you take more emotional and less likely to be strategic or logical. In turn, this can have an adverse effect on your case.
Don’t rush into a rebound relationship
Since you’re separated, you might be tempted to rush headlong into another relationship, or at the very least dip your toe into the murky waters of online dating. It is only human nature to want to fill the void, but rebound relationships are rarely a good idea. Not to put too fine a holistic point on it, separation is a time for self-assessment, to reflect on your marriage, why it failed, and set future personal goals.
If you go so far as to remarry during your divorce without having reached a financial order, then you may lose your right to apply for one. This means that you may not be able to rely on the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 and the fairness this law looks to achieve. Instead, an application would need to made under the Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996, which is much stricter and allows the court far less discretion.
Not getting a financial order
Not getting a financial order is one of the costliest divorce mistakes you can make. This happens often, especially when parties are acting for themselves and fail to realise that divorce finances are dealt with separately to the divorce itself. Essentially, this means that you can be divorced while still having financial obligations to your ex. Without having a financial order in place, your ex could make a financial claim against you at any time. Any financial agreement should be drawn up into a financial order and confirmed by the court to ensure it is legally binding.
Discussing the divorce with the children
Discussing your divorce with the children can be extremely damaging because they lack the emotional maturity to understand and deal with adult problems. The children need to know that it is ok for them to have a relationship with both parents, and they do not need to take sides.
Offsetting assets against child maintenance payments
Agreeing to offset the value of assets against child maintenance, hoping to achieve a “clean break” would be a huge mistake. For example, you may be tempted to offer a larger share of the matrimonial assets in return for a promise that your ex won’t claim child maintenance. However, it is important to emphasise that there is no such thing as a clean break where children are involved. Even if you made a clean break order, your ex could claim child maintenance payments at any time, which you would be legally required to pay. In addition, you wouldn’t be able to renegotiate the terms of the clean break order to get the asset back.
Failing to fully disclose assets
Any attempt to hide assets can result in the court giving a more favourable settlement to the party who was honest, transparent, and acted with integrity. Hiding assets can also have serious legal consequences, including fines or even terms of imprisonment. It is always best to be completely open about your financial position when trying to reach a financial settlement during a divorce.
Don’t put off the inevitable
While it would be foolhardy to rush into a divorce, you also don’t want a separation to drag on for years, either. This is likely to leave both parties unhappy, and financially insecure.
Make sure you take legal advice
While it is possible to get divorced without obtaining any legal advice, you are likely to be better off getting some. The help of a solicitor is particularly important when it comes to dealing with the financial settlement and child arrangements disputes. Both can be complex areas of law where any missteps could be expensive. A family solicitor will set realistic and objective expectations and help you get the best possible outcome.
Other common mistakes to avoid during your separation and divorce
Here is a list of common mistakes that separating and divorcing couples make, regardless of their circumstances or reasons for breaking up. Such conduct can include (but is not limited to):
- Refusing to agree contact arrangements, attending late for pick-ups and drop-offs, or not turning up at all.
- Failing to turn up to agreed mediation or counselling sessions, especially if these are to address anger management issues
- Removing all the money from a joint bank account without your spouse’s agreement or knowledge
- Refusing to pay towards household bills or provide child maintenance
- Following your spouse or sending numerous text messages or social media messages
- Contacting your spouse’s family or friends hoping to influence them regarding a reconciliation, agreeing to a financial settlement or arrangements about the children
- Change the locks on the home you share
- Film or record your spouse in any way hoping to use the footage in divorce proceedings
- Hiding assets
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The information on this website is to be considered a guide and is therefore not legal advice. You use this information with the understanding that Wiselaw does not accept liability for any direct or indirect losses as a result of anyone relying on or acting upon the information on this website. Whilst we endeavour to provide accurate information, Wiselaw does not accept liability for any errors or omissions on this website.
