It is common for social services to become involved with families when they have concerns about the care being given to a child within a home. But what happens if you can no longer cope with parenting? Is there anything can you do?
It is common for social services to become involved with families when they have concerns about the care being given to a child within a home. But what happens if you can no longer cope with parenting? Is there anything can you do?
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Sometimes, the local authority is approached by parents who feel they are unable to care for their child, whether this is at birth or a later stage in their life. There are many complex reasons for a parent may make such a tough decision, but these are generally centred either on their own person circumstances or issues surrounding child behavioural problems.
What can I do if I feel I can’t cope with parenting anymore?
You may feel as though you are the only parent in the world who is struggling to cope. But we’ve all experienced difficult days where the stresses and strains of parenting can seem overwhelming. It’s natural not to love every single minute of parenting your child, and to wonder how you are going to make it through the day. So here are our tips to help you try to regain control:
- Accept your limitations – you cannot do everything and should stop trying to be superhuman. Be kind to yourself and understand you are doing your best and that is good enough.
- Set boundaries – Learn to say “no” and mean it. Try not to backtrack on a decision you’ve made in the face of persistent pressure from your child. They need to learn when you say no, that is exactly what it means.
- Share parenting with others – are there any wider family members such as the child’s grandparents, aunts or uncles who can help? Perhaps you have friends who can step in and take some of the pressure off. If you are a single parent, discuss with your ex what they can do to help with additional child care.
- Seek help – contact your local authority social services department and see what help and support is available.
Ultimately, what you decide to do has to be right for your child, yourself, and your family. If the worst comes to the worst, you can ask the local authority to take the child into voluntary accommodation. This is covered by section 20 of the Children Act 1989 and sets out how a local authority can provide accommodation for a child within their area if it needs to. Anyone with parental responsibility can voluntarily allow the local authority to take their child into care.
Older children
If social services are approached by a parent or guardian who no longer wishes to care for their child, it may assess the situation first to see whether there are any support or other services that can be put in place to assist the family and help it stay together. This tends to happen in circumstances where a child has additional physical or mental health needs, or the parents are experiencing behavioural problems, and the family can no longer cope. Sometimes, the parent may have additional health needs themselves, meaning they cannot care for their child at that time. Often, the local authority will look towards the wider family network to see if there is anyone who can offer assistance, or alternative carers who may be able to care for the child either in the longer or short term.
Should the parent or guardian not accept these proposals, social services may ask them to sign a section 20 agreement. This is a document which says that the parent has agreed for the child to be accommodated in foster care by the local authority. It will also set out the finer details for placing the child with a foster carer and seek any emergency medical assistance, if required, whilst they are in that placement.
A section 20 agreement only needs to be signed by one parent holding parental responsibility. Even if taken into foster care, the parent(s) will retain PR and have the ability to revoke the section 20 agreement at any time by requesting the child be returned to their care. During the local authority’s involvement, assessments may need to be completed to determine the level of risk posed to the child in respect of emotional, physical, sexual harm or risk of neglect, and if the local authority are not in agreement to the child returning to the parent’s care, they may issue Care Proceedings.
Babies
Regarding new born babies, where a parent has made a decision they do not wish to care for them throughout their childhood, the parent (typically the mother), may ask for the baby to be adopted. This is commonly referred to as the baby being “relinquished”. Here, the local authority is often informed prior to the child’s birth, whereupon being born, the baby will go into foster placement. A section 20 agreement will need to be signed in the same way as set out above. If the baby’s birth has not been registered, only the mother will hold parental responsibility, so they will be the only parent required to sign. The local authority may decide that they need to look for an alternative placement for the child within the family or speak with the baby’s biological father (or their family) to confirm they are in agreement to the adoption.
Issues can arise when a mother does not wish for the child’s biological father or her wider family to know of the baby’s birth and planned adoption. Recent case law has considered this issue at length and determined that there is no single test which should be applied. The court must consider all factors within the case at hand to include circumstances around birth, religious reasons, and the effect of informing others on the mother’s mental health, personal relationships, and safety. The court will need to weigh up all these issues when deciding whether anyone should be informed about the baby’s existence whilst also looking towards Article 8, Right to Family Life, for additional guidance.
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