Divorce is never easy. It’s emotionally draining, legally complex, and awkward at times. But what makes it even more challenging is the sheer volume of misinformation that surrounds the process. Whether it’s well-meaning friends offering outdated advice, media portraying dramatic courtroom battles, or internet forums echoing the worst-case scenarios, divorce myths can cause confusion, fear, and lead to poor decisions.
In the UK, divorce law has seen some pivotal reforms, particularly with the introduction of the no-fault divorce in April 2022. Yet, many people continue to operate under misconceptions rooted in outdated systems and incorrect assumptions. In this article, we’re busting the most persistent divorce myths and replacing them with facts you can trust.
“If I’m the one who applies for divorce, I’ll get less in the settlement.”
This is one of the most common misconceptions about divorce. Many believe that being the ‘applicant’ puts you at a disadvantage when it comes to financial settlements or child arrangements. This simply isn’t true.
Courts do not punish or reward individuals for initiating the divorce. Financial and child decisions are based on current needs, contributions to the marriage (both financial and non-financial), and the best interests of any children—not on who applies first.
“Adultery guarantees a better financial deal.”
It is natural to feel that someone who’s been unfaithful should suffer the consequences, especially in financial terms. However, under divorce law, adultery has limited influence on financial settlements.
Even before the no-fault reform, the family courts in England and Wales operated on the principle that ‘conduct’ should only affect financial orders if it’s so serious that it would be unjust to ignore. Emotional betrayal, while painful, rarely meets that threshold. So, basing your strategy on this belief is risky and, more often than not, disappointing.
“Mothers always get the children.”
This myth is deeply ingrained in the public psyche. While it is true that historically mothers were more likely to be the primary carers post-divorce, modern courts aim for fairness and the child’s best interests. Increasingly, fathers are gaining shared custody or becoming the primary carer when appropriate.
The court’s paramount consideration is the welfare of the child, not the gender of the parent. If both parents are equally capable, the courts are open to shared parenting and equal contact time.
“We’ve been living together for years, so we’re ‘common-law’ married.”
This is a legal urban legend. Common-law marriage does not exist in England and Wales. Cohabiting couples have no automatic rights to financial support, property, or pensions upon separation, regardless of how long they’ve been together or if they have children.
This misconception about divorce (or rather separation) can leave one partner financially vulnerable. If you’re in a long-term cohabiting relationship, you should seek legal advice and consider a cohabitation agreement.
“We can agree everything ourselves—we don’t need lawyers.”
Technically, yes—you can negotiate your own settlement and submit it to the court. But doing so without proper legal advice can have serious consequences. Financial settlements must be formalised in a legally binding Consent Order, which a solicitor should draft or at least review.
Without it, either party can return to claim more later, even years after the divorce is final. A famous case in point: in Wyatt v Vince [2015], a woman successfully claimed financial support over 20 years after the divorce. A good lawyer would have prevented that.
“I’ll lose everything if I get divorced.”
This myth is particularly damaging because it leads many to stay in unhappy or even abusive relationships. In the UK, assets are generally divided based on fairness, taking into account needs, contributions, and future responsibilities.
Even if one partner earned all the income, the other’s non-financial contributions (like raising children or supporting a partner’s career) are recognised. Divorce does not mean financial ruin—but navigating it without professional guidance might.
“Pensions don’t matter—they’re personal assets.”
Wrong. Pensions are often one of the largest assets in a marriage, sometimes even more valuable than the family home. Divorcing couples often overlook this asset, but courts can make pension sharing orders to ensure an equitable division.
Overlooking pensions is a serious error, especially for those who paused their careers to raise children and may lose out on much needed income when they retire. A solicitor can help assess what’s fair and ensure long-term financial security both in the short-term and beyond.
“You have to go to court to get divorced.”
Courtroom dramas make great television but poor expectations. Most divorces in the UK do not go to court, especially since the introduction of the online divorce system and growing emphasis on alternative dispute resolution (ADR), such as mediation and collaborative law.
Going to court is typically a last resort. With the right legal support and willingness to negotiate, you can avoid litigation entirely.
The role of a good lawyer: More than just paperwork
Some people believe that hiring a lawyer simply adds cost to an already expensive process. But consider this: divorce is not just a breakup—it is a legal, financial, and emotional turning point. A good family lawyer can:
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Ensure all your legal paperwork is accurate and submitted correctly
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Help protect your assets and negotiate fair settlements
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Advise you on child arrangements in a child-focused, legally compliant manner
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Offer support during emotionally difficult times
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Safeguard your future by spotting issues you might miss, such as tax implications or pension rights
A lawyer can also point you toward resources like divorce coaches, mediators, or therapists, depending on your needs.
Divorce is undeniably tough, but it doesn’t have to be chaotic or adversarial. Dispelling misconceptions about divorce and confronting the truths about divorce can save you from poor decisions, financial loss, and prolonged emotional strain.
If you’re facing divorce or even just considering it, the best investment you can make is in clarity and preparation. And that starts with getting a good lawyer, someone who knows the system, advocates for your interests, and guides you through the fog of myths and misinformation.
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