At What Age Can a Child Choose Who to Live With?

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If you have children, making arrangements for residence and contact will be some of the biggest decisions you will make once you separate or divorce.

You and your spouse will have to decide where your child will live and who will become the primary caregiver. You also need to decide how and when your child should have contact with the non-resident parent.

Many couples are able to make arrangements with as little disruption as possible. However, other situations are more complicated, and it is possible that you won’t be able to reach an agreement with the other parent.

Depending on the age of your child, you may want to get their input into this decision. However, their wishes and feelings – and any decision you make – may not be legally binding.

At what age can a child decide?

In law, there is no fixed age that determines when a child can express a preference as to where they want to live. However, legally, a child cannot decide who they want to live with until they are 16 years old.

Once a child reaches the age of 16, they are legally allowed to choose which parent to live with. The exception to this is where there is a Court order (such as a Child Arrangements Order) stating that they should live with one parent until, for example, the age of 17 or 18.

If you can come to an agreement with the other parent and your child, then this can help to avoid costly and lengthy Court proceedings.

However, if you can’t agree where your child will live and an application is made to the Court, they will start to take your child’s wishes and feelings into account from an age where the Court considers that they understand the situation. This is typically from the age of 12 or 13 but will depend on the child and other issues.

The wishes of a child under the age of 12 may also be considered, but the Court is likely to give less weight to these.

As a child cannot legally decide who they want to live with until they are 16, the responsibility for this decision usually rests with the parents.

What if parents don’t agree?

If you and the other parent cannot agree who your child should live with then the first step should be to consider dispute resolution services. Mediation or negotiation involves working with a qualified professional to discuss the various issues and to try and reach an agreement that all parties are satisfied with.

If mediation or negotiation is unsuccessful (or if it is unsuitable – for example, if there are safeguarding issues) then a Court application may be made.

If you go to Court then a judge will decide where your child should live, having considered their best interests and their own wishes and feelings (depending on their age, as discussed above). They will make a Child Arrangements Order directing issues such as residence and contact.

A Child Arrangements Order will typically remain in force until your child is 16 years old, although it can be extended to age 17 or 18.

What factors the courts consider when making a decision

There are no fixed rules for deciding issues of residency and contact and, as we have seen, the Court can take a child’s wishes and feelings into account.

The Court’s overriding concern is the best interest of the child and what arrangements will best meet their needs. When making a decision, the Court will consider:

  • The age of the child
  • How mature they are
  • Whether the Court believes that their views have been influenced by a parent or other person
  • Whether the child understands the implications of their views
  • Whether the child has considered their decision, or whether they expressed an opinion in the heat of the moment
  • Whether the child has been able to explain the reasons for their decision

The Court will also consider how important the issues are. For example, the views of a child may well have more weight for less important aspects of their upbringing than more significant decisions about where they live and who they have contact with.

Once the Court has decided whether to take the child’s views into account, and to what degree, they will consider the other factors in the Children Act 1989 welfare checklist.

They can then come to a decision about whether what the child wants is really what is best and whether it meets their needs.

The Court orders available

If you can’t agree which parent your child should live with, you can make an application for the Court to decide.

Having taken into account all the appropriate factors (and your child’s wishes and feelings, if appropriate), the Court can make a Child Arrangements Order.

Child Arrangements Orders replaced Residence and Contact Orders in April 2014. They typically state where the child should live, who they should have contact with, and when.

The Court can order ‘shared residence’ under a Child Arrangements Order. Here, your child would spend a certain period of their time with one parent and a period with the other.

What if the other parent doesn’t return the child?

If there is no order in place, a parent has not broken the law if they do not return a child after contact. While the police may check that your child is safe, they are unlikely to involve themselves in the situation.

If you cannot resolve the issue with the other parent, you could consider using mediation or negotiation to resolve the dispute. If the issue is still not resolved, you may have to go to Court to either apply for an Order, or to enforce an existing Order (if there is one in place).

If you have welfare concerns about your child and they have not been returned by the other parent, you may be possible to apply for an emergency Child Arrangements Order.


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